Empty Menom

It has bee quite a while since I posted.
A lot has happened lately.  I graduated from college, been looking for jobs with no luck, and got my motorcycle license. 

I really don't have much to talk about.  I am quite bored here in Menomonie and my thoughts have been keeping me pretty busy.

My dreams lately have been random and vivid.  I had a dream about a certain someone this morning that is leaving me kind of melancholy.  Why do the good memories as well as the bad have to rain on my parade.  I should be really happy right now.  I managed to take an emotionally charged and hellish year and pull enough A's out of it to take my GPA up to a 3.5 and graduate with honors.  Plus I spent my weekend on a motorcycle actually driving it for myself instead of being a passenger!  But, the memories still plague me whether I am awake or sleeping.  I don't know why I can't shake this.  I'm not happy so why can't I move on?  I do plenty of stuff to make myself happy and I don't know what else to do to move on.  I've been sucked dry and I continue to have my joy stolen from me from such a worthless, self-centered individual. 

My failure of a job hunt isn't exactly helping right now either.  I am so stressed about my finances I don't know what to do.  I'm only working about 20 hrs a week this summer and I need to do more with my time and earn more money.  I don't want September to roll around and leave me broke and needing to pay rent.  Besides, it is soooo empty here I might just go crazy.  I wish someone could tell me what I've been doing wrong to not get a basic customer service job with a degree in Psychology.  I think things happen for a reason, I just wish I knew what the reason is behind not being able to a job.  I have bills to pay too!!

In the War of Head Versus Heart....

Well I have a little update for you. 
Should I go with the good news or the bad news first?

Here's the good news:

1.) I finally finished ordering my motorcycle gear and it should be here in a few days!! 
2.) I have 2 job interviews this week : One on Tuesday and the other on Thursday
3.) I will be a college graduate in ONE week!!!!
4.) I will have my motorcycle license in two weeks! 

All very exciting news and it's good that my life is moving up and moving on.  I need it but only time will tell what will happen.  I am very excited for a little bit of change and I cannot wait to get my motorcycle running so I can go out riding! 

And for the bad news:

(Some of you might file it under good news)

The whole boy situation is over.  I reached the end of my rope last weekend.  I never thought that anyone could take so much and leave me with so little.  I have never gone through something like this.  I am still so amazed that I let him get so close and gave him so many chances.  My head and heart are at a war right now because I don't know what to think.  Part of me still thinks that he was genuine part of me thinks that he was using me.  It hurts so bad to know that someone that mattered so much to me did not reciprocate those feelings.  I still think about him all the time and I don't think that he ever thought that much about me.  I have reached the conclusion that he was just a self-centered dick.  I hate that I put so much of my emotional energy into something that had to end like this... end leaving me with nothing.  I just want to move on but the memories still catch me off guard.  My heart hurts and I do my best to keep busy so I don't have to think of him.

So..
Dear future boys,
Leave me alone.  Thanks.