Past Meet Present

I do have a past.

I have been used.

I do not like bringing my past into my present.

I have learned from my mistakes.

The past is always a learning experience.  Hindsight is 20/20.  I like to keep the past in the past, but there are things that I have learned that cannot be ignored.  I have been treated like a piece of ass before instilling in me an air of extreme caution.  It is hard to know when you are getting 'played' and that's why it happens.  Sadly that causes me to bring these injuries into my present.

Sometimes I have to be reminded to:

Be myself because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

I wish I wasn't this way.  I wish things that have happened in my past could just go away.  I know what it is like to be treated poorly and I don't want to be the fool that goes back again.  I am learning more patience right now.  However, it is not going to last long.  I am trying to redefine my schema on dating because perhaps the last relationship moved too fast.  There is something amiss here and I am hitting that caution point. 

Not every person is the same and I wish I did not have the past I did so I could look at this from a more whimsical side.  But I do have my past.  I wish I didn't have to pull my past into this, but I am.

I have walls built for a reason.  These walls get stronger after every wrong turn on the road of life.  Once these walls are reached I shut down.  I stand looking at the wall looking for a way around.  Do I turn back?  Do I find a new road?  Perhaps there is someone on the other side tearing down the wall.  Right now if someone doesn't show me the way around I will be turning back and finding a new path.

The road of life is bumpy and sometimes there are dead ends.  Every wrong or right turn teaches you something about yourself.  I am who I am because of my experiences.  I just hope that the new experience I am embarking on doesn't cause me to build more walls.