Update!

I know I haven't written in a while.  Life has hit a bit of a lull. 

I have gotten into grad school and since my motivation for school has gone down hill.  I have been doing a lot of procrastinating this past week.  This week has been weird.  No class on Monday or Wednesday and then having class on Friday and Saturday.  I don't know what day it is!!

I heard from the land lord of the apartment that I want.  I had to apply for an apartment complex, I have never heard of that before.  But I was accepted **happy dance** and I will be signing a lease on Tuesday!!  I feel like a big girl now getting my own place off campus.  The bedroom is such a nice size I am going to get a queen sized bed!!

However with this big girl freedom of having my own place comes financial terror.  I am currently VERY broke.  This motorcycle restoration project probably couldn't have started at a worse time.  I owe more on my credit card than I am going to have in my account when this bill rolls around.  Plus I have to worry about a security deposit and rent.  I'm going on the job hunt soon.  I feel bad putting the extra strain on my parents but it helps to know that they are there to support me when I need it.

The motorcycle project has kind of hit a road block.  There are carburetor issues that my dad and I do not really know how to fix so we are waiting for a manual to come in and he is going to tinker with it for a while.  I know it will get finished but I am at the end of my budget and haven't bought the gear yet.  Giving it some time here now.

As far as my male situation that has been disrupting my life.  Biggest realization I have come to is that I need to learn how to trust someone again.  I have hit a calm in my emotional tornado of thoughts on this.  Things haven't changed much except for my attitude.  I'm taking a little more charge and being more proactive.  My expectations are lower and I think that is kind of unfortunate.  I'm a little more laid back about the feelings now.  Some things bother me and there are things that I can't change or ask someone else to change.  We will see how this goes from now on.  I am being very patient and I really am not in much of a hurry to be in a relationship.  I might be cocky but my confidence is uplifted and my cockiness is helping me to get on with this in a way I need to.  It is still on my mind but not like before.  Time will only tell.