Those things that I said I wasn't going to talk about because they are too personal...
Yeah here they are.
It's not like being alone is foreign to me. It seems that no matter what I am always alone. It is just that I had put a lot of effort into this. I guess this is what I get for putting my heart on the line. I think it might just be too much to ask to be treated like a princess once in a while. I am really not asking for much but it seems like a huge task because it doesn't seem like anyone can achieve this.
In some ways the parts of being a girl that are still apart of me came out in this situation. I have never been the jealous type before but here I sit wondering why? Why did I sit at home hoping and waiting you would want to hang out when you were going to someone else's house to drink, watch movies, and cuddle with other girls? I was right here!
There are so many things that I wish I would have said to you. So many things I am feeling. I tried so hard to pull myself together and make it work. I kept my feelings in check not to scare you away. I gave you space. I know you have been going through shit and I know that I can't be demanding attention when you have other things to deal with. Part of me regrets every second of yesterday. I am so torn and I don't even know what to feel right now. If I didn't want it to work I would have been gone a month ago.
I have memories and words floating through my head and doing battle. The memories say, "go back you had fun together." The words are saying, "he never treated you like a girlfriend." I just don't know what to do. Part of me just wants some knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet. I know this will never happen.
If you really know me then I will put how I feel in perspective... I don't even want a cup of coffee right now. That's how bad I feel...
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