Plaguing Thoughts

I have only been up for 10 min and I already have 3 more thoughts about this stupid realtionship shit.

1.) I'm sick of being told how great I am and no one backs it in actions.  If I was so great than why do I get treated like shit?
2.) I wonder if people think about me as much as I think about them.  I'm falling apart from everything that is going on and I don't even think that I am on his mind at all.  I fell asleep with him on my mind and woke up with him on my mind.
3.) I think that I just go from crappy to crappier.  I thought I wasn't being treated the way I deserved before... well it has gotten worse.

Like WTF is wrong with me?  Why can't I just give up?  Why do I allow people to treat me like shit?  Why?!?!?!

I just want the same courtesy I show people to be shown to me

The wait for this "talk" is driving me crazy and isn't helping the case at all.  We were supposed to talk Monday or Tuesday... then it gets put off all nonchalant like it isn't on his list of priorities.  Just like the whole "relationship."  I never felt like I made it on the list of priorities.  I just wanna swear and hit something or cry.

I don't know if all this is from one person or if it is the accumulation of shit that has been happening since Thanksgiving.  Either way, I can't believe I'm letting this all get to me like this.

I realize that this conglomeration of thoughts look like I just puked on the page everything on my mind... which I basically did.  I think I should have coffee before posting next time so it is better organized.  I'll post later.