"It's Complicated"

I'm sorry that I have been so emo lately. 
Relationships just seem to break me down unlike anything else.
I'm caught thinking and over thinking everything... I call it "Aryn Land."
I wish that all of this would stop consuming me and I could be more positive, but I guess that's why I have this blog.  Like I've mentioned before, it is hard for me to talk about my feelings and this blog is my therapy session.

I'm very torn right now.  I know I deserve to be treated better but sometimes that person you want to spend time with needs to spend more time on themselves.  One thing about me is that I jump in with both feet, i might test the waters a little, but then I just jump.  If I'm going to commit to something I am going to do so fully, not half way.  This means that I may have jumped into a relationship that is just not ready for me. 

I did officially break it off on Friday after some new information came to light.  I am pretty sure I talked about that last time I posted.  I then began to break down.  I developed stress-induced hives, lost my apatite, gained a lot of zits, and cried in public.  I decided that I was just falling apart.  I have kind of put myself in check today but I still haven't stopped thinking about it.

I am just not sure what to do at this point.  Many of my close friends tell me that he's just a jerk and that they'll be mad at me if continue anything with him.  There are just things they haven't seen... I have seen the look in his eye when I have serious conversations with him and I have seen just how genuine he can be.  At the same time I have talked to him on different occasions telling him my feelings point blank and nothing has changed.  I don't think I should expect such a change for 2 reasons.  1.) I haven't seen it yet and 2.) because I don't believe that someone should have to change to be with me.  I know change will not happen if the person doing the changing doesn't want to change.  It's hard because we really did have good times together but there are things I can't emotionally deal with anymore.

Ugh this is getting way to personal.  I am going to end here cuz this is just about how deep I can go.  Sweet Dreams.