Giving Up or Giving In?

Am I being fair?

I couldn't help myself today.  I couldn't hold it all in anymore.  My heart finally won a battle.  I text him and told him that I miss him.  Later I asked him to talk.

Is it fair of me to discuss the possibility of getting back together?  Should I give him the chance?  Or should I just let it go and allow him to heal?

I know now that I couldn't swallow my pride and come to an agreement on when we should talk.  I had to have it my way.  I had to make him feel the way I did instead of finding a compromise between the two.  I was so stuck on my past and how I have supported my relationships alone.  I was so stuck on me that I didn't really hear, didn't really listen until it was too late.

This summer has been a time of a lot of crap being dealt on my plate.  First, my friend is dating my ex.  Well I really needed some time to figure that out.  Things with my (other) ex ended in uncertainty... surprise.  I had to convince myself that he was bad for me and move on even though it was hard.  With my friend being with my ex it brought up a lot of feelings that I had buried.  With that I let my handsome man drift away from me.  I pushed him away.  I didn't want to be hurt... I didn't want to hurt him.  It was a difficult subject for me to deal with and really deal with, not bury again.  When I figured that out, I had let my relationship go and I couldn't emotionally bring it back in the state I was in.

In general I'm not okay with where I am at.  I am not home here anymore.  My home is back at school... where I spent 6 years of my adult life.  Being where I am at is not ideal.  I have no friends.  Those who I thought were my friends just want to get in my pants... including those that are married.  That was a hard pill to swallow.

The third hard thing to deal with is my long time friend getting diagnosed with cancer again.  I just have a lot to deal with emotionally.  I HATE emotions. 

I know there are no excuses.  But I've had my wake up call.  I can't imagine if I just swallow my pride and make some compromises... really put in that effort... why it can't work.  I'd rather be there than here anyway.  I think we can work it out in the same state.  I started the relationship being very open and honest.  I think it is time to be that way again, I just hope he will really listen to what I have to say.

I have felt much more positive today.  I just want to be cautious to not rub dirt in his wounds.