What just happened?
I just thought that there was a real possibility. I mean... that wasn't what I expected at all. I'm working so hard to process what happened that I can't even clearly remember what happened.
So we finally talked. After like 45 min of a generic "life update" chat I spit it out. Even after hours of rehearsing it took much difficulty. It went something a little like this... (not really this smooth, and not verbatim)...
So... I realized that I couldn't swallow my pride long enough to reach a middle ground on
the whole talking thing. I got on my high horse and wanted you to feel the way you felt
without really thinking about how you felt. I don't see why we couldn't try and make
this work in the same state. I think we can compromise about talking and figure it out.
Well I don't want you blaming yourself for all of it. It does take some effort...
Aaaannd... I have other things I need to spend that time on.
I don't really know what else to say.
Something like that. Basically making me feel that I'm not worth his time. I mean I can understand in your last year of college there are a lot of things that demand a person's attention. I get that. But jeeze isn't there a nicer way to put that. I can't believe he didn't see that coming. I text him that I miss him and wanted to talk. I get that some boys are dense... but he should have seen it coming. So he should have been prepared with some kind of response.
Speaking of seeing things coming... there was foreshadowing here. I never catch the foreshadowing in movies anyway so like why would I catch it in real life? When he stated that his friends/family asked him how long this relationship would last. I thought it was a reflection of the girls he dated... but no I think he has a real track record. No wonder the guy is divorced and single.
I still don't think I get it. Why did he want to try to keep it going long distance if he didn't want to put the effort in it? Why did he do the meet the family thing? Why did he tell me that he still likes me and misses me if I'm not worth the time.
Just... Wow... I feel pretty crappy right now.
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